Be thankful for this?!?!

I was thinking about a Bible verse today: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 which basically says "Give thanks in all circumstances..." I have had a hard time with this concept throughout my life thus far. I always felt God was telling me I had to be thankful for anything that happened or didn't happen in my life. And I couldn't do that, which made me feel like I was not a "good Christian" or didn't have enough faith.
As I have gotten older and experienced more life, I look at this verse very differently. I don't think God is telling me I need to feel thankful & grateful for every bad thing that happens, but rather acknowledge good in the midst of the bad. For example, I don't feel I need to be thankful and praise God that my oldest child has Autism. But I can be thankful that his challenges have opened my heart to those around me who are also struggling with special needs. I don't need to thank God that my husband has chosen divorce but rather be grateful for the strength God has given me and the friends & family who has shown relentless support and encouragement during such a traumatic time.
It is quite a mind shift for me to "look on the bright side of things" I can easily get swallowed up by pain & difficulty. But I am learning each day to find things to be thankful for. And today I am thankful I have had a few minutes to put my thoughts down in words.

Hope is more than a word-
it's a state of being.
It's a firm belief that
even if you don't know how,
even if you don't know when,
God will come through
and better days are ahead.
Life brings rain...
Hope dances in the puddles
Until the sun comes out again

---by Holley Gerth "Rain on Me"

So I was reading one of my favorite books tonight, the Bible, and was struck by Isaiah 43. I have adapted to my life:)

When you pass through the waters of loneliness, I will be with you.
When you pass through the rivers of sadness, they will not drown you.
When you walk through the fire of betrayal, you will not be burned.
For I am the Lord your God.
You are precious and honored in my sight.
I love you.
Don't be scared-- I am with you.


Thank you Lord-- it does my heart good to hear from you.

My reality

I didn't even expect my blog page to still be here since its been like a year and a half since I have visited it. But here it is, just waiting for me. I would love to write about how good life has been, and that I was just having too much fun to blog.
But that is not my reality.
To be to the point, Steve filed for divorce on July 20, 2011 and moved out a few weeks later. This is not where I expected 16 years of marriage to end up. Nor did I ever expect divorce to be a part of my life's journey. I did not plan on having attorneys, alimony, child support, or property settlement agreements as a part of my vocabulary. And I surely never dreamed of looking into my children's eyes and telling them that Papa and Mama aren't going to be married anymore.
But this is my reality.
In the midst of such a devastatingly painful jolt to my world, my reality has included incredible blessings. The support of some fabulous friends, the non-wavering love of family, and the ever-constant presence of my Lord are among these blessings. In my darkest hours, I have literally felt held up by the prayers and encouragement from my loved ones. And, my reality has revealed a deeper, wider, richer faith in the Lord that I didn't know was possible. His Strength is how I get through each day.
So even though I would like to shut my eyes and open them to find this has all been a nightmare, I know I cannot. I will embrace my reality, I will feel what I need to feel, and with God's continued strength, I will heal. There will be good to come out of all this.
And that is my reality.

Gracie turned 2 years old!!!

I can hardly believe our little Gracie is 2!! She turned two on June 2nd. She kept saying "Happy Birthday" to everyone :)
What joy she has brought into our family for the past two years. We love you Gracie-girl!!!

Let it Snow!

Our boys LOVE snow!!! We got 18 inches of snow yesterday! It was unbelievable. We had really wanted another big snow before winter was over and I guess we got our wish!!! (I am cheating a bit with these pics-- they were from last month. :)

Happy Halloween!

Once upon a time, there was a ghost, a ninja and a butterfly!

Where has the time gone?

Can I still be considered a Blogger if I only Blog twice a year???? I can't believe its been so long since my last entry. Anyway, we did move-- bought a great twin home about an hour north of where we lived previously. It is so great to have our own place!!!! We have a finished basement here as well as a small fenced backyard. A delight for the kids and a lifesaver for me!!!! Jonathan is in 2nd grade and is mainstreamed for part of his school day and the rest of the day is in an Autistic Support Class. He is doing well there and we have been pleased with his school. We have also put Jonathan on a Gluten Free diet this fall and it is going fair. Haven't seen many results yet, but it takes time. Zach just turned 5 and is enjoying staying home with me. He is my big helper! Gracie is our little princess and has already shown us that she is definitely a girly-girl. She loves getting clothes as presents and loves to touch her curls and say "pretty" What are we in for with her? Steve started a new job two months ago as a HVAC estimator. It has been great having him in a job where he doesn't have to travel!!! He is enjoying being in sales again as well. So thats a little update on the Hartmans. Hopefully I will Blog more often.........with all my free time--ha!!!

Moving on up (or at least out)

Well, life continues to take us on a roller coaster ride. We need to move again, as the owner of our townhome has decided to sell. We had already tossed the idea of finding a new place around since our lease end was coming up, so her decision to sell made up our minds. However, we have been looking and still have not found a place to move to come August! We originally planned to rent again, but now are exploring finding a home to purchase. Did I mention that Steve has to work out of the country most of the summer too!? This will be move number 9 since we got married in 1995. Moves, and all that goes with them, make me crazy. I am my own worst enemy as I get excited about the change but hate the change. The packing is the worst and each time I say I am NEVER doing this again. Apparently I don't listen to myself. We are looking at homes about 45min- 1 hour from here, since we can't afford to buy a home in this area. So its a matter of finding the right place, at the right price, in the right location, with the right school district for Jonathan's special needs. Looking back at all our moves, things have always worked out. Not exactly in the way I wanted or expected, but still worked out. So I am trying to listen to myself this time when I say "God will work it out once again."

Poolside Fun

SERENITY

Steve took this picture while on tour in Colorado......

Cool Dudes

Boys decided to play dress up at their cousin's house recently. I have no idea what they are dressed as. How long do you think it took before they were hitting each other with those sticks? Maybe that is what Zach's helmet was for........

Quote for the day......

"If my arms were longer, I would hug the whole world!"
--- Jonathan, 6:24am, 12/09/08

Happy Birthday Zachary!

Can't believe our little Zachy is 4 years old! We actually are not celebrating until later this month along with Jonathan's birthday. So Zach isn't aware it is his birthday today-- we figure this is the last year we can hold him off to celebrate with Jonathan's though! SO, I was celebrating inside remembering that happy day 4 years ago. It was such a blessing this morning-- Zach happened to be the first one up, so he and I had some special Mommy time together. We just cuddled on the couch and talked. I told him stories of when he was born, etc.. and he told me cute funny things like "when I grow up, I am going to be a bumble bee and a Daddy" What a precious, unexpected time with my guy on his birthday.
P.S.
Zach also told me in our conversation this morning that he needed new shoes because his hurt his feet. So we were at a mall today and had his feet measured and sure enough, his feet had grown a size and a half!!!! Hence he got new shoes. I am glad he let me know he needed them!

Our girl.......

Happy
Thoughtful
Entranced!